Yesterday evening

The petrol ran out with two tufts to go.
The red caught my eye. Tried a few times but couldn't get the focus. It was darker than I realised.
Came inside and looked at the clock. 6.25. Joe's not back.
Phone rings.
It's Joe, I think to myself, he wants a lift. He left it too late to cycle and needs a lift home.
"I'm really sorry mummy"
"Are you OK?"
"Yes, but I had an accident" His voice was shaking.
"I was coming down the hill and a van was reversing and I couldn't stop"
"OK, don't worry, where are you?"
"I'm in someone's house, I'm sorry mummy"
"It's alright Joe, I'm leaving now, I won't be long."
Driving along I started to feel shaky. Why so sorry, why someone's house, why not Matt's, why not Grandma's?
I pulled up outside the house, four shadowy figures, a policeman. I opened the door and the policeman came over, I couldn't get my 'lights left on' warning beep to stop. Stopped it. "It's Catherine?" he said.
I looked at Joe, I thought he was crying but it was too dark.
I looked at his bike. No brakes.

"Hills, bikes, legitimately reversing, stupid boy, no brakes, gave him a b******king, no lights, too dark, cycling over fields, likely story, happened to be passing, bent gate, damaged door, need to apologise to the gentleman" said the policeman.
"Yes, of course, I'm sorry, I will."

Took the addresses and numbers. Introduced to the man whose gate it was. Invited in. Telly turned off. Place in Kettering does gates.
His helmet saved him, someone said.
"Yes," I said, "he wears his helmet"

Then we went. Joe cried.
We had fish and chips.

And now for today.
A new baby arriving, fingers crossed.

And counting my blessings.
Now I'm crying.